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engagement 93now, only a mild irritation when I think of her and Aunt Agatha, and it willbe a good thing to continue to feel so. And all this separation is well worthwhile, for we should never have been really happy together without theknowledge we had really done something serious for my Grandmother. . . . Ienclose Sanger’s two letters – I have answered saying I would probably dotwo Dissertations – the second letter is much more encouraging than the?rst. I said I would make the Geometry the chief one my ?rst shot and theEconomics my second shot...I have been reading more Mill and beginning an Essay on Axioms for theMoral Science Club at Cambridge, of which Trotter, the hard-working Scots-man I beat and despise, is Secretary. It will be an immense pleasure to go toCambridge and read a paper and enjoy the Society again. The Society is a realpassion to me – after thee, I know no greater joy. I shall read them a paper oncontrolling our passions, in which I shall point out that we can’t, and that thegreater they are the less we ought to though the more easily we can. – Thissounds paradoxical but isn’t. I take refuge in intellectual activity which hasalways been rather of the nature of a dissipation and opiate to me.Goodbye my Darling, my Joy. I will write again tomorrow.Thine heart and soulBertieBritish Embassy, ParisOctober 22nd 1894, 9 p.m.My darling Alys...I don’t think thee’ll be tempted to grow too dependent on me, becausethee’ll ?nd I shall be bored if thee always agrees with me, and shall want anargument now and then to give my brain a little exercise. I feel a real andsolid pleasure when anybody points out a fallacy in any of my views, becauseI care much less about my opinions than about their being true. But thee Mustthink for thyself instead of merely taking scraps from di?erent people –that is what makes thy opinions so disjointed, because thee takes di?erentopinions from di?erent people, thinking the two subjects independent – butno two subjects are really independent, so that people with di?erent Popesfor di?erent things have an extraordinary hotch-potch of views. Logan, theeand Mariechen all have that vice, Logan least, M. most.Logan once told me thee had better taste in pictures than M., and yetthee seldom opens thy mouth, but leaves all the talking on such subjects toher dogmatising. This is an example how thee wastes thy mind, not frommodesty, but from a combination of laziness and pride, the same pride thatkept thee silent so long about thy real opinions. – What M. says about gettingideas from somewhere is true of herself but by no means of everybody – e.g.in my paper on space which I’m writing now, there is a whole section ofthe autobiography of bertrand russell 94close reasoning which I have seen nowhere, and which, for ought I know,may be quite original. It is like the rule of speak when you’re spoken to – ifeveryone followed it, there could be no ideas in the world: they have to comefrom someone originally. And even when one’s ideas are got from others,they have quite a di?erent complexion when one has fought against themand wrestled with them and struggled to understand the process by whichthey are acquired than when one lazily accepts them because one thinksthe man a good man. I fought every inch of the way against Idealism inMetaphysic and Ethics – and that is why I was forced to understand itthoroughly before accepting it, and why when I came to write it out, Wardused to be enchanted at my lucidity. But having lapsed into mere bragging,perhaps this homily had better stop!...British Embassy, ParisWednesday, October 31st18949.30 p.m.My darling Alys...I shan’t mind being ‘run’ in the unimportant details of practicalthings – where to dine, what to eat, etc. – in important practical matters,when I’ve had a little practice in them, I maintain that I’m not incompetentand I should sit on thee vigorously if thee tried to dictate to me! But EvelynNordho? is right that thee wouldn’t be likely to do so. As long as I remaina student or a theorist of any sort, I shall have no duties to the outsideworld. I remember saying to thee on the Chelsea Embankment lastNovember what Logan is always repeating, that that sort of person ought tolead a sel?sh life in small things, because it increases one’s e?ciency, andthe work is so vastly more important than any good one does by littlepolitenesses and so forth. Fortunately my needs are simple – tea and quiet areall I require. I enjoyed my lunch with the Du?erins very much. I wasalone with Lord and Lady Du?erin and he was perfectly charming, though heappeared to have forgotten all about my engagement, at least nothing wassaid about it. He is really a delicious man – so perfect and well-rounded. Hewas very gracious – said it had been the greatest pleasure to him to ?nd hecould please my Grandmother by giving me this place – asked if there hadbeen much work: so I said not so much lately, and he smiled and said therewas always less with an Ambassador than a Minister. I told them Phipps wasin raptures over Sarah’s new play, and they smiled again and said they had novery high opinion of Phipps’s taste. They seem to share the general con-tempt. He treated me so a?ectionately that my heart quite warmed to him,in spite of its being due to my Grandparents, not to myself. I was not theleast shy, and did and said exactly what was proper. Thee will be glad toengagement 95know that Lady Du?erin was atrociously dressed, in a sort of grey serge. LordDu?erin had just come in from bicycling: he rides right up to the veryEmbassy door and wheels his machine in himself. The French used to beshocked but now, largely owing to him I believe, it has become far morefashionable for swells than it is in England. When he was in Petersburg therewas quite a scandal because one night, by way of Duncrambo or some similargame, he acted a pig and hopped and grunted, and everyone thought it veryshocking for an Ambassador. He treats his wife with a curious formal politea?ection, which I believe is perfectly genuine, only that the habit of formalpoliteness has made that his only possible manner: but it sounds odd to hear‘my Love’ and such terms in the tone in which he might say Your Majesty orYour Excellency. It was a glorious day and I went all round the Bois withDodson, which I also enjoyed immensely – all the autumn tints were at theirvery ?nest, and I can’t imagine more ideal weather. Coming back he wasvastly impressed by my nerve in the tra?c. I suppose it is mathematics orsomething, but I know I’m singularly good at riding through crowdedstreets! I quite won his respect, as he is of the type that worships ‘nerve’ inany form. He came lumbering on behind. He is a nice simple innocent youth,who thinks everybody else stupendously clever. Harford and I smile over him,but we both like him and I think he likes both of us.I didn’t mean to go on to a 2nd sheet but I’m not sleepy enough to go tobed, though it’s 10.30, and I can’t settle down to any other occupation thanwriting to thee – It’s nice riding with Dodson, because it makes him madwith envy to see me go without using my hands on the handles!...12Cambridge13November 3rd, 1.30My dearest Alys...I have been wildly happy all morning: ever since I left King’s Cross I’vefelt as if we’d just parted and I were coming back as I did so often by thattrain last winter. It’s perfectly delightful seeing my friends again – I neverknew before how fond I am of them and how in?nitely nicer (and cleverer!)they are than the ordinary run of young men. I’ve just been seeing Ward whosays there’s nothing philosophical for me to do in Economics but I mightvery well take some mathematical job of pure theory, only then I should haveto begin specialising almost at once. He advised me to take in time andmotion too in my other Dissertation, and discuss Newton’s 3 laws, whichwould be interesting. It is lovely weather, and the yellow elms are heavenly,and all the people are good and nice, and it is perfect paradise after the hell ofParis. I had a glorious long talk with Sanger and revelled in his intellectualpassion. . . . I will write again by Lion14tomorrow, a longer letter telling allthat happens. Ward is to be shewn my paper on Space and I shall be wildlythe autobiography of bertrand russell 96eager to hear what he says about it. Short of love, his praise is about the mostdelightful thing in the world to me. I got none today, but enjoyed seeing him,he’s such a delightful man. Now I must hunt up someone to lunch. Less thana fortnight thank heaven! Fare thee well my Beloved.Thine ever most devotedlyBertieIn the train – CambridgeSunday, November 4th 18945.15 p.m.My dearest AlysIt is a great pity all my letters come in a lump and I’m very sorry to haveaddressed Friday’s Hill. I hope it won’t happen again. I’m so glad thee’shappy and busy too – if I were imagining thee unhappy it would beunendurable not to see thee tonight – as it is, it gives me pleasure to thinkthee is near. It has been perfectly delightful to be at Cambridge again. Mooreand Sanger and Marsh were so nice to see again. I love them all far morethan I supposed before. We had a large meeting last night. McT. andDickinson and Wedd came, at which I could not help feeling ?attered. Theewill be glad to hear that several of them thought my paper too theoretical,though McT. and I between us persuaded them in time that there wasnothing de?nite to be said about practical conduct. I have left my paperbehind as Marsh and Sanger want to read it over again. McT. spoke ?rst andwas excessively good, as I had hoped. I said in my paper I would probablyaccept anything he said, and so I did. For my sake he left out immortality,and reconciled my dilemma at the end without it. I can’t put what he saidin a letter, but I dare say I shall bring it out in conversation some day. Wehad a delightful dinner at Marsh’s before the meeting, and I was so glad justto be with them again that I didn’t talk a bit too much. Moore though hedidn’t say much looked and was as glorious as ever – I almost worship himas if he were a god. I have never felt such an extravagant admiration foranybody. I always speak the truth to Marsh, so I told him we were separatedthree months to please my grandmother; the rest asked no inconvenientquestions. Most of them were pleased with my paper, and were glad of mymaking Good and less good my terms instead of right and wrong. Thebeginning also amused them a good deal. I stayed up till 2 talking to Marshand then slept till 10.30, when I went to breakfast with Sanger. I lunchedwith Marsh, and talked shop with Amos and saw my rooms. As he hasfurnished them – they’re brighter but not near so nice. Sanger thought mybold idea in my Space paper ‘colossal’ – I hope Ward will think so too!Amos tells me Ward said I was so safe for a Fellowship that it didn’t mattera bit what I wrote on – but this must be taken cum grano salis – it is slightlyengagement 97coloured by Amos’s respect for me. They all urged me to do what I’m goodat, rather than ?y o? to Economics, tho’ all of them greatly respectEconomics and would be delighted to have me do them ultimately. I havegreat respect for their judgments because they are honest and know me. So Ishall do 2 Dissertations next year and only Space this – or Space and Motion,as Ward suggests. But of course I shall work at Economics at once. Sanger isworking at Statistics, and explained several hideous di?culties in the theory,important for practice too, since the whole question of Bimetallism andmany others turn on them. I had never suspected such di?culties before,and they inspired me with keen intellectual delight from the thought ofobstacles to be overcome. My intellectual pleasures during the last yearshave been growing very rapidly keener, and I feel as if I might make a greatdeal out of them when we’re married and all our di?culties are settled. Iam convinced since reading Bradley that all knowledge is good, and there-fore shouldn’t need to bother about immediate practical utility – though ofcourse, when I come to Economics, that will exist too. I’m very glad to ?ndthat passion developing itself, for without it no one can accomplish goodthinking on abstract subjects – one can’t think hard from a mere senseof duty. Only I need little successes from time to time to keep it a source ofenergy. My visit to Cambridge has put me in very good conceit with myselfand I feel very happy to think we are within our fortnight and that Mariechenwill make it ?y. I laughed more than in all the time since I left Friday’s Hilland I talked well and made others laugh a great deal too....Trinity College, CambridgeDecember 9th 1894, 2 a.m.My dearest AlysI will write a little letter tonight though it is late. Sanger met me at thestation and took me to tea with Marsh, where I found Crompton who isas charming as ever and in better spirits than I ever saw him before,delighted with the law and very glad to feel settled for life. Moore readabout lust and set forth exactly thy former ideal which he got from mewhen we met the normal man on the walking-tour. His paper did notgive any good arguments, but was beautifully written in parts, and made mevery fond of him. A year ago I should have agreed with every word – as itwas, I spoke perfectly frankly and said there need be nothing lustful incopulation where a spiritual love was the predominant thing, but thespiritual love might seek it as the highest expression of union. Everybodyelse agreed with me, except McT. who came in after the discussion wasover. Crompton was very good indeed and quite worsted Moore, thoughMoore would not admit it. I am going to see all the dons tomorrow. Ihave been arguing with Amos, who is much incensed at my advocacy ofthe autobiography of bertrand russell 98hyperspace, and is not coming to the wedding (not as a consequence ofour di?erences!)...Thine ever devotedlyBertieI was at this time very intimate with Eddie Marsh (afterwards Sir Edward Marsh), so I told himabout Alys and got him to go and see her. She was engaged in a crusade to induce daughters to rebelagainst their parents. This is alluded to in Marsh’s letter.Cold Ash, NewburyMarch 25, ’94My dear RussellI want to thank you for two very pleasant occasions last week. I went onSunday and found the room full of two American girls, one of whom wentaway to write home and the other to do political economy. Then we had adelightful talk for an hour or two, about you and other matters. I think we shallbe great friends. I’m very happy about you, still more so than I was before.She wanted to make my sister revolt, and accordingly asked me to bringher to lunch last Wednesday wh. was exceedingly kind. My sister also seemedto make great friends, and was most enthusiastic when we went away. I don’tknow if she’ll revolt or not. Mr Pearsall Smith is a dear old boy. I think he wasvery sarcastic to me but I’m not really sure if he was or not. Among otherthings he said I talked exactly like old Jowett, wh. I don’t believe. What funnygrammar they talk to one another.It isn’t much worth while telling you what you know already, I don’tmean about the grammar, so perhaps this letter ought to come to an endhere but it would be rather short so I’ll go on with my own a?airs. The mostinteresting thing is that I’ve been seeing a certain amount of Robert Bridges;he’s a charming man, with thick dark hair which grows like thatch and avery attractive imped. in his sp. He reminded me curiously of Verrall, thoughhe’s much bigger all over and his face has funny bumps like Furness. I wentfor a walk with him on Friday; he talked in a very interesting way, tho’ notquite as Coleridge talked to Hazlitt; after lunch he got a headache or some-thing and seemed to get somehow much older (he’s 49) and talked abouthis own plays a good deal. He had a perfect right to, as of course I wasinterested, but it was very funny how openly he praised them. He said ‘Ithink I’ve given blank verse all the pliability it’s capable of in the Humours ofthe Court, don’t you?’ – ‘The Feast of Bacchus is amusing from beginningto end: it’s sure to ?nd its way to the stage and when it gets there it’llkeep there.’This isn’t vanity in the least, he’s quite free from that. I’m just going overthere to church, I hear he’s trained the choir with remarkable success.engagement 99I suppose you’re having an awfully good time in Rome. Don’t bother towrite till you come back. I thought you’d like to hear about Sunday. I shouldgo on writing, except that I’m not sure how much goes for 2?d. Pleaseremember me to Miss Stanley.Yr. a?ectionate friendEdward MarshHeidelbergNeuenheimer Landstr. 52Sept. 15My dear RussellI was just going comfortably to sleep over my Grammatik when I unluckilyfell to wondering whether the opposite to an icicle was called an isinglass orbicicle; and the shock of remembering that I was thinking about stalactite andstalagmite woke me up completely; but I’m not going to do any moreGrammatik; so here is the answer to your letter, though it was so far fromproper as to be quite shocking.I should have thought Paris was a very good exchange for Dresden, as theseparation would have taken place in either case wouldn’t it? I’m very sorrynot to see you, though in some ways it’s a good thing, as I’m not in the leasteither solemn or suitable, and it’s quite enough to have been seen by Sanger.I’m not going to give you an account of all my wickednesses, as I’m tired ofdoing that; I resolved to write to all my friends and see who’d be shocked?rst, beginning at the most likely end with Barran, G. Trevy, Conybeare; tomy utter astonishment they contented themselves one after the other withtelling me not to get fat, and the ?rst person who thought of beinghorror-struck was Moore.I’m getting on pretty well with German, though I haven’t arrived at thestage of ?nding it a reasonable medium for the expression of thought. I thinkthe original couple who spoke it must have died rather soon after the Towerof Babel, leaving a rather pedantically-minded baby, who had learnt all thewords of one syllable, and had to make up the long ones with them – at leasthow else can you account for such words as Handschule and be-ab-sicht-igen? I never knew a language so little allusive – compare the coarseness of‘sich kleiden’ with the elegance of ‘se mettre’ – English gains by having somany Latin words – their literalness is concealed – for instance independenceis exactly the same as Unabh?ngigkeit, yet the one seems quite respectable,while the other is unspeakably crude. I can read pretty well by now, and canmostly ?nd some way or other of expressing what I mean, but I can’tunderstand when people talk at their natural pace. Unluckily all the playsthey’ve done yet at Mannheim are too unattractive to go to; but I’ve seenmore operas since I’ve been here than in my whole previous life, though thatthe autobiography of bertrand russell 100isn’t saying much. The performances aren’t quite satisfactory, as the actorsare so dreadful to look at. I went to Fidelio yesterday. The heroine was playedby a lady whom I mistook at ?rst for Corney Grain – you know she isdisguised as a page. Fat women are in a sad dilemma – either they must havetheir bodices all of the same stu?, in which case they look as if they were justgoing to burst, or they must have an interval of some other stu?, in whichcase they look as if they had. For instance Fidelio had a brown – jerkin? itwas my idea of a jerkin – open in front, with something white showingunderneath; and pu?s of white in the sleeves, which had just that e?ect. I’veseen innumerable sights since I’ve been here (anything does for a sight inGermany). I scandalised everybody the other day by going to sleep in themiddle of being driven slowly round Frankfort in a ?y. I don’t think even theFrenchmen ?nd the sight quite so funny as I do – but they’re mostly ratheryoung (I ought to explain it’s a big pension full of Frenchmen learningGerman and Germans teaching them. I’m the only Englishman). They’remostly also very delightful – I’ve made great friends with one German, whois a very charming, but not Apostolic, and one Frenchman who is, very; I’vehardly ever seen a Frenchman who hadn’t a charm of his own, quite apartfrom his merits....Here came Mittagessen, after which I’m as learned to say I ?nd myselfalmost incapable of further exertion (by the way the Frau Professor says I’mviel angenehmer in that respect than most Englishmen – I mean in respect ofmy general habit of ‘eating what’s set before me’, according to the nurseryrule). So I’ve read through what I’ve written already. I’m afraid it reads ratherleichtsinnig – but consider that it’s an exquisite day and I’d spent the rest ofthe morning in the garden saying to myself ‘behold how good and howpleasant a thing it is for persons of di?erent nationalities to sit together inchairs’ – with an interval for my German lesson, which was as usual veryfunny, the Professor who talks English very badly, makes up examples outof the rules; and I had to translate such sentences as ‘Rid yourself of yourwhimps’, ‘Do you remember my?’ and ‘He posted o? all his wretches’ –which, when I heard the German, I recognised as ‘He boasted of all hisriches’.Write me a postcard now and then when your brain is for the moment o?the boil – I’m here till the end of the month – I should like very much to comeback by Paris, but I’m debarred by 2 considerations, both insurmountable –I) I shan’t have any money left – II) I haven’t any clothes in which I couldcome within a mile of an Embassy, or be seen about with anyone connectedwith one – I hope you’re getting on all right.Yrs. fraternallyE. H. M.engagement 101Heidelberg(1894)My dear RussellI’ve got just ? an hour before Abendessen, and I can think of 7 people onthe spur of the moment whom I ought to write to rather than you – howeveryou seem to ‘feel it more’, as Mrs Gummidge says. I’m awfully sorry youaren’t enjoying yourself more in Paris. I should have thought the mere feel ofthe place would be enough – but your account of your people’s letters ismost depressing – the idea of consoling oneself with a bad hymn when onemight console oneself with the Walrus and the Carpenter, say – however the10th of December isn’t very far o?.I don’t quite understand your not liking Frenchmen – is it simply becausethey’re unchaste? It is very disgusting – all the ones here for instance forni-cate pretty regularly from 16 years old, and talk about it in a way that wouldsicken me in England – but it’s merely a matter of education, and one can’tobject to individual people because they behave in the way they’ve beenbrought up to....Yours fraternallyEdward MarshHeidelbergOct. 1 (1894)Dear RussellBarran sent me the enclosed letter for you today, and I accompany it withthe greatest of all the treasures I found in ‘Zion’s Herald’ – When one followsout the similitude in its details, it becomes too delightful especially thetact with which God has got over the little awkwardness caused by the ‘Greatsuperiority of his Social Station’. ‘As is usual with lovers’ is a good touch –and so is the coyness with which mankind is represented as ‘wondering whatGod can see in us’. The whole thing is an ‘Editorial’.I got your letter this morning, and I’m very glad you’re a little happier.I wondered for a long time if I could get in a day at Paris on my way back, buttime, money and clothes were all inexorably against it.The Frenchmen I’ve known here were nearly all too young to berepulsively bestial; some of them will become so no doubt, others, I think,will not. My chief friend for instance went to a brothel once to see what itwas like and was so much sickened he could hardly ‘baiser’, as they call it.I shall write you a very serious letter some day, for the sake of mycharacter, but till then, I’ll go on being frivolous if you like.My last great adventure was meeting O. B.15accidentally at the station – hewas on his way to El?el to buy German champagne (!) and had come here forGerman cigars. I brought him for a night to the Pension – he made a greatthe autobiography of bertrand russell 102impression on every one, and was very jolly. Almost the ?rst thing he told mewas that the Duchesses of York and Teck are going to pay him a visit atCambridge next term – which, as he remarked, would give people a great dealto talk about, but it wasn’t his fault, as they’d practically invited themselves.What news of your brother?Yours fraternallyE. H. Marsh40 Dover Street, WMay 11 1894Dearest BertrandI have been back163 weeks but have been overwhelmed with arrears ofwork and now I write because I have heard that a report is going about thatyou are probably going to be engaged to Miss Pearsall Smith. I hope this isnot so, for if you thought you wd. be too young to enter Parliament beforeyou were 29 I must think it would be a great pity for you to engage yr. selfand take such an important step at 21 or 22. I forget which you are – It wouldstop you in so many things and you have seen so very little of the world ‘ofYoung Women’ as Lady Russell puts it, that I shall be very sorry if you havebound yr. self thus early. But all this may be idle gossip and you may be sureI shall not spread it, but could not help writing to say what a pity I think itwd. be at the very outset of life to enter on such an engagement and with agirl a good bit older than yourself. Do not answer my letter unless you wishit, but I shall hope that what I have is merely gossip founded perhaps on yr.having been at the Wild Duck with the young lady.Yrs. a?t.Maude StanleyClandeboye