少年维特之烦恼(英文版)-6

recognition. The rest of the company now arrived. There was the BaronF ——， in an entire suit that dated from the coronation of Francis I.； the Chancellor N ——， with his deaf wife ； the shabbily-dressedI ——， whose old-fashioned coat bore evidence of modern repairs ： thiscrowned the whole. I conversed with some of my acquaintances， but theyanswered me laconically. I was engaged in observing Miss B——， and didnot notice that the women were whispering at the end of the room， thatthe murmur extended by degrees to the men ， that Madame S—— addressedthe count with much warmth（this was all related to me subsequently byMiss B——）； till at length the count came up to me ， and took me tothe window. "You know our ridiculous customs，" he said. "I perceive thecompany is rather displeased at your being here. I would not on any account——" "I beg your excellency's pardon ！" I exclaimed. "I ought to havethought of this before， but I know you will forgive this little inattention.I was going ，" I added ， "some time ago ， but my evil genius detainedme." And I smiled and bowed ， to take my leave. He shook me by the hand，in a manner which expressed everything. I hastened at once from the illustriousassembly， sprang into a carriage ， and drove to M ——。 I contemplatedthe setting sun from the top of the hill， and read that beautiful passagein Homer， where Ulysses is entertained by the hospitable herdsmen. Thiswas indeed delightful. I returned home to supper in the evening. But fewpersons were assembled in the room. They had turned up a corner of thetable-cloth ， and were playing at dice. The good-natured A —— camein. He laid down his hat when he saw me ， approached me， and said ina low tone， "You have met with a disagreeable adventure." "I ！" I exclaimed."The count obliged you to withdraw from the assembly！" "Deuce take theassembly！" said I. "I was very glad to be gone." "I am delighted ，"he added， "that you take it so lightly. I am only sorry that it is alreadyso much spoken of." The circumstance then began to pain me. I fanciedthat every one who sat down ， and even looked at me， was thinking ofthis incident ； and my heart became embittered.　　And now I could plunge a dagger into my bosom ， when I hear myselfeverywhere pitied ， and observe the triumph of my enemies， who say thatthis is always the case with vain persons ， whose heads are turned withconceit ， who affect to despise forms and such petty ， idle nonsense.　　Say what you will of fortitude， but show me the man who can patientlyendure the laughter of fools， when they have obtained an advantage overhim. 'Tis only when their nonsense is without foundation that one cansuffer it without complaint.　　MARCH 16. Everything conspires against me. I met Miss B —— walkingto-day. I could not help joining her； and， when we were at a littledistance from her companions， I expressed my sense of her altered mannertoward me. "O Werther ！" she said， in a tone of emotion ， "you ， whoknow my heart ， how could you so ill interpret my distress ？ What didI not suffer for you， from the moment you entered the room ！ I foresawit all， a hundred times was I on the point of mentioning it to you. Iknew that the S ——s and T ——s ， with their husbands， would quitthe room， rather than remain in your company. I knew that the count wouldnot break with them ： and now so much is said about it." "How！" I exclaimed，and endeavoured to conceal my emotion ； for all that Adelin had mentionedto me yesterday recurred to me painfully at that moment. "Oh， how muchit has already cost me！" said this amiable girl， while her eyes filledwith tears. I could scarcely contain myself ， and was ready to throwmyself at her feet. "Explain yourself ！" I cried. Tears flowed down hercheeks. I became quite frantic. She wiped them away ， without attemptingto conceal them. "You know my aunt，" she continued ； "she was present： and in what light does she consider the affair ！ Last night ， andthis morning， Werther， I was compelled to listen to a lecture upon my，acquaintance with you. I have been obliged to hear you condemned and depreciated； and I could not—— I dared not—— say much in your defence."　　Every word she uttered was a dagger to my heart. She did not feelwhat a mercy it would have been to conceal everything from me. She toldme， in addition， all the impertinence that would be further circulated，and how the malicious would triumph ； how they would rejoice over thepunishment of my pride， over my humiliation for that want of esteem forothers with which I had often been reproached. To hear all this ， Wilhelm，uttered by her in a voice of the most sincere sympathy， awakened allmy passions ； and I am still in a state of extreme excitement. I wishI could find a man to jeer me about this event. I would sacrifice himto my resentment. The sight of his blood might possibly be a relief tomy fury. A hundred times have I seized a dagger ， to give ease to thisoppressed heart. Naturalists tell of a noble race of horses that instinctivelyopen a vein with their teeth， when heated and exhausted by a long course，in order to breathe more freely. I am often tempted to open a vein， toprocure for myself everlasting liberty.　　MARCH 24. I have tendered my resignation to the court. I hope it willbe accepted ， and you will forgive me for not having previously consultedyou. It is necessary I should leave this place. I know all you will urgeme to stay， and therefore I beg you will soften this news to my mother.I am unable to do anything for myself ： how， then ， should I be competentto assist others？ It will afflict her that I should have interruptedthat career which would have made me first a privy councillor ， and thenminister， and that I should look behind me ， in place of advancing.Argue as you will ， combine all the reasons which should have inducedme to remain， I am going ： that is sufficient. But， that you may notbe ignorant of my destination ， I may mention that the Prince of ——is here. He is much pleased with my company ； and， having heard of myintention to resign ， he has invited me to his country house ， to passthe spring months with him. I shall be left completely my own master；and ， as we agree on all subjects but one， I shall try my fortune ，and accompany him.　　APRIL l9. Thanks for both your letters. I delayed my reply， and withheldthis letter ， till I should obtain an answer from the court. I fearedmy mother might apply to the minister to defeat my purpose. But my requestis granted， my resignation is accepted. I shall not recount with whatreluctance it was accorded， nor relate what the minister has written： you would only renew your lamentations. The crown prince has sent mea present of five and twenty ducats ； and， indeed ， such goodness hasaffected me to tears. For this reason I shall not require from my motherthe money for which I lately applied.　　MAY 5. I leave this place to-morrow ； and， as my native place isonly six miles from the high road ， I intend to visit it once more ，and recall the happy dreams of my childhood. I shall enter at the samegate through which I came with my mother， when ， after my father's death，she left that delightful retreat to immure herself in your melancholytown. Adieu ， my dear friend ： you shall hear of my future career.　　MAY 9. I have paid my visit to my native place with all the devotionof a pilgrim， and have experienced many unexpected emotions. Near thegreat elm tree， which is a quarter of a league from the village， I gotout of the carriage ， and sent it on before， that alone ， and on foot，I might enjoy vividly and heartily all the pleasure of my recollections.I stood there under that same elm which was formerly the term and objectof my walks. How things have since changed！ Then ， in happy ignorance，I sighed for a world I did not know ， where I hoped to find every pleasureand enjoyment which my heart could desire ； and now， on my return fromthat wide world ， O my friend， how many disappointed hopes and unsuccessfulplans have I brought back ！　　As I contemplated the mountains which lay stretched out before me ，I thought how often they had been the object of my dearest desires. Hereused I to sit for hours together with my eyes bent upon them， ardentlylonging to wander in the shade of those woods ， to lose myself in thosevalleys ， which form so delightful an object in the distance. With whatreluctance did I leave this charming spot ； when my hour of recreationwas over， and my leave of absence expired！ I drew near to the village： all the well-known old summerhouses and gardens were recognised again； I disliked the new ones， and all other alterations which had takenplace. I entered the village， and all my former feelings returned. Icannot， my dear friend ， enter into details ， charming as were my sensations： they would be dull in the narration. I had intended to lodge in themarket-place， near our old house. As soon as I entered ， I perceivedthat the schoolroom ， where our childhood had been taught by that goodold woman ， was converted into a shop. I called to mind the sorrow ，the heaviness ， the tears， and oppression of heart， which I experiencedin that confinement. Every step produced some particular impression. Apilgrim in the Holy Land does not meet so many spots pregnant with tenderrecollections ， and his soul is hardly moved with greater devotion. Oneincident will serve for illustration. I followed the course of a streamto a farm ， formerly a delightful walk of mine ， and paused at the spot，where ， when boys， we used to amuse ourselves making ducks and drakesupon the water. I recollected so well how I used formerly to watch thecourse of that same stream， following it with inquiring eagerness， formingromantic ideas of the countries it was to pass through； but my imaginationwas soon exhausted： while the water continued flowing farther and fartheron， till my fancy became bewildered by the contemplation of an invisibledistance. Exactly such， my dear friend ， so happy and so confined ，were the thoughts of our good ancestors. Their feelings and their poetrywere fresh as childhood. And， when Ulysses talks of the immeasurablesea and boundless earth ， his epithets are true， natural， deeply felt，and mysterious. Of what importance is it that I have learned， with everyschoolboy ， that the world is round？ Man needs but little earth forenjoyment ， and still less for his final repose.　　I am at present with the prince at his hunting lodge. He is a manwith whom one can live happily. He is honest and unaffected. There are，however ， some strange characters about him， whom I cannot at all understand.They do not seem vicious， and yet they do not carry the appearance ofthoroughly honest men. Sometimes I am disposed to believe them honest ，and yet I cannot persuade myself to confide in them. It grieves me tohear the prince occasionally talk of things which he has only read orheard of， and always with the same view in which they have been representedby others.　　He values my understanding and talents more highly than my heart，but I am proud of the latter only. It is the sole source of everythingof our strength ， happiness， and misery. All the knowledge I possessevery one else can acquire， but my heart is exclusively my own.　　MAY 25. I have had a plan in my head of which I did not intend tospeak to you until it was accomplished： now that it has failed ， I mayas well mention it. I wished to enter the army， and had long been desirousof taking the step. This， indeed ， was the chief reason for my cominghere with the prince， as he is a general in the service. I communicatedmy design to him during one of our walks together. He disapproved of it，and it would have been actual madness not to have listened to his reasons.　　JUNE 11. Say what you will， I can remain here no longer. Why shouldI remain？ Time hangs heavy upon my hands. The prince is as gracious tome as any one could be， and yet I am not at my ease. There is， indeed，nothing in common between us. He is a man of understanding， but quiteof the ordinary kind. His conversation affords me no more amusement thanI should derive from the perusal of a well-written book. I shall remainhere a week Ionger， and then start again on my travels. My drawings arethe best things I have done since I came here. The prince has a tastefor the arts， and would improve if his mind were not fettered by coldrules and mere technical ideas. I often lose patience ， when ， witha glowing imagination ， I am giving expression to art and nature ， heinterferes with learned suggestions ， and uses at random the technicalphraseology of artists.　　JULY 16. Once more I am a wanderer， a pilgrim， through the world.But what else are you ！　　JULY 18. Whither am I going ？ I will tell you in confidence. I amobliged to continue a fortnight longer here ， and then I think it wouldbe better for me to visit the mines in——。 But I am only deluding myselfthus. The fact is ， I wish to be near Charlotte again， that is all.I smile at the suggestions of my heart， and obey its dictates.　　JULY 29. No ， no ！ it is yet well all is well ！ I her husband！O God ， who gave me being， if thou hadst destined this happiness forme， my whole life would have been one continual thanksgiving ！ But Iwill not murmur —— forgive these tears， forgive these fruitless wishes.She —— my wife！ Oh ， the very thought of folding that dearest of Heaven'screatures in my arms！ Dear Wilhelm ， my whole frame feels convulsedwhen I see Albert put his arms around her slender waist ！　　And shall I avow it ？ Why should I not ， Wilhelm？ She would havebeen happier with me than with him. Albert is not the man to satisfy thewishes of such a heart. He wants a certain sensibility； he wants ——in short， their hearts do not beat in unison. How often， my dear friend，im reading a passage from some interesting book ， when my heart and Charlotte'sseemed to meet， and in a hundred other instances when our sentimentswere unfolded by the story of some fictitious character ， have I feltthat we were made for each other！ But， dear Wilhelm ， he loves herwith his whole soul ； and what does not such a love deserve？　　I have been interrupted by an insufferable visit. I have dried mytears ， and composed my thoughts. Adieu， my best friend ！　　AUGUST 4. I am not alone unfortunate. All men are disappointed intheir hopes ， and deceived in their expectations. I have paid a visitto my good old woman under the lime-trees. The eldest boy ran out to meetme： his exclamation of joy brought out his mother， but she had a verymelancholy look. Her first word was ， "Alas！ dear sir ， my little Johnis dead." He was the youngest of her children. I was silent. "And my husbandhas returned from Switzerland without any money ； and， if some kindpeople had not assisted him ， he must have begged his way home. He wastaken ill with fever on his journey." I could answer nothing， but madethe little one a present. She invited me to take some fruit ： I complied，and left the place with a sorrowful heart.　　AUGUST 21. My sensations are constantly changing. Sometimes a happyprospect opens before me； but alas ！ it is only for a moment； and then，when I am lost in reverie ， I cannot help saying to myself ， "If Albertwere to die ？—— Yes， she would become —— and I should be" —— andso I pursue a chimera ， till it leads me to the edge of a precipice atwhich I shudder.　　When I pass through the same gate ， and walk along the same roadwhich first conducted me to Charlotte ， my heart sinks within me at thechange that has since taken place. All， all， is altered ！ No sentiment，no pulsation of my heart， is the same. My sensations are such as wouldoccur to some departed prince whose spirit should return to visit thesuperb palace which he had built in happy times ， adorned with costlymagnificence， and left to a beloved son， but whose glory he should finddeparted， and its halls deserted and in ruins.　　SEPTEMBER 3. I sometimes cannot understand how she can love another，how she dares love another， when I love nothing in this world so completely，so devotedly， as I love her， when I know only her ， and have no otherpossession.　　SEPTEMBER 4. It is even so！ As nature puts on her autumn tints itbecomes autumn with me and around me. My leaves are sere and yellow ，and the neighbouring trees are divested of their foliage. Do you remembermy writing to you about a peasant boy shortly after my arrival here ？I have just made inquiries about him in Walheim. They say he has beendismissed from his service， and is now avoided by every one. I met himyesterday on the road ， going to a neighbouring village. I spoke to him，and he told me his story. It interested me exceedingly， as you will easilyunderstand when I repeat it to you. But why should I trouble you？ Whyshould I not reserve all my sorrow for myself ？ Why should I continueto give you occasion to pity and blame me ？ But no matter： this alsois part of my destiny.　　At first the peasant lad answered my inquiries with a sort of subduedmelancholy， which seemed to me the mark of a timid disposition ； but，as we grew to understand each other ， he spoke with less reserve ， andopenly confessed his faults ， and lamented his misfortune. I wish， mydear friend ， I could give proper expression to his language. He toldme with a sort of pleasurable recollection， that ， after my departure，his passion for his mistress increased daily， until at last he neitherknew what he did nor what he said ， nor what was to become of him. Hecould neither eat nor drink nor sleep ： he felt a sense of suffocation； he disobeyed all orders， and forgot all commands involuntarily； heseemed as if pursued by an evil spirit， till one day ， knowing thathis mistress had gone to an upper chamber ， he had followed， or ， rather，been drawn after her. As she proved deaf to his entreaties， he had recourseto violence. He knows not what happened ； but he called God to witnessthat his intentions to her were honourable， and that he desired nothingmore sincerely than that they should marry， and pass their lives together.When he had come to this point， he began to hesitate ， as if there wassomething which he had not courage to utter ， till at length he acknowledgedwith some confusion certain little confidences she had encouraged ， andliberties she had allowed. He broke off two or three times in his narration，and assured me most earnestly that he had no wish to make her bad ， ashe termed it， for he loved her still as sincerely as ever； that thetale had never before escaped his lips， and was only now told to convinceme that he was not utterly lost and abandoned. And here ， my dear friend，I must commence the old song which you know I utter eternally. If I couldonly represent the man as he stood， and stands now before me ， couldI only give his true expressions， you would feel compelled to sympathisein his fate. But enough ： you， who know my misfortune and my disposition，can easily comprehend the attraction which draws me toward every unfortunatebeing ， but particularly toward him whose story I have recounted.　　On perusing this letter a second time ， I find I have omitted theconclusion of my tale ； but it is easily supplied. She became reservedtoward him， at the instigation of her brother who had long hated him ，and desired his expulsion from the house， fearing that his sister's secondmarriage might deprive his children of the handsome fortune they expectedfrom her； as she is childless. He was dismissed at length； and the wholeaffair occasioned so much scandal ， that the mistress dared not takehim back， even if she had wished it. She has since hired another servant，with whom ， they say ， her brother is equally displeased， and whomshe is likely to marry； but my informant assures me that he himself isdetermined not to survive such a catastrophe.　　This story is neither exaggerated nor embellished ： indeed ， I haveweakened and impaired it in the narration ， by the necessity of usingthe more refined expressions of society.　　This love ， then ， this constancy ， this passion ， is no poeticalfiction. It is actual ， and dwells in its greatest purity amongst thatclass of mankind whom we term rude， uneducated. We are the educated，not the perverted. But read this story with attention ， I implore you.I am tranquil to-day， for I have been employed upon this narration ：you see by my writing that I am not so agitated as usual. I read and re-readthis tale ， Wilhelm： it is the history of your friend ！ My fortunehas been and will be similar； and I am neither half so brave nor halfso determined as the poor wretch with whom I hesitate to compare myself.　　SEPTEMBER 5. Charlotte had written a letter to her husband in thecountry ， where he was detained by business. It commenced， "My dearestlove， return as soon as possible ： I await you with a thousand raptures."A friend who arrived， brought word ， that ， for certain reasons， hecould not return immediately. Charlotte's letter was not forwarded， andthe same evening it fell into my hands. I read it ， and smiled. She askedthe reason. "What a heavenly treasure is imagination：" I exclaimed ；"I fancied for a moment that this was written to me." She paused， andseemed displeased. I was silent.　　SEPTEMBER 6. It cost me much to part with the blue coat which I worethe first time I danced with Charlotte. But I could not possibly wearit any longer. But I have ordered a new one ， precisely similar， evento the collar and sleeves ， as well as a new waistcoat and pantaloons.　　But it does not produce the same effect upon me. I know not how itis， but I hope in time I shall like it better.　　SEPTEMBER 12. She has been absent for some days. She went to meetAlbert. To-day I visited her： she rose to receive me ， and I kissedher hand most tenderly.　　A canary at the moment flew from a mirror ， and settled upon hershoulder. "Here is a new friend ，" she observed， while she made himperch upon her hand ： "he is a present for the children. What a dearhe is ！ Look at him！ When I feed him， he flutters with his wings ，and pecks so nicely. He kisses me ， too， only look！"　　She held the bird to her mouth； and he pressed her sweet lips withso much fervour that he seemed to feel the excess of bliss which he enjoyed.　　"He shall kiss you too，" she added ； and then she held the birdtoward me. His little beak moved from her mouth to mine ， and the delightfulsensation seemed like the forerunner of the sweetest bliss.　　"A kiss ，" I observed， "does not seem to satisfy him： he wishesfor food， and seems disappointed by these unsatisfactory endearments."　　"But he eats out of my mouth，" she continued ， and extended herlips to him containing seed ； and she smiled with all the charm of abeing who has allowed an innocent participation of her love.　　I turned my face away. She should not act thus. She ought not to excitemy imagination with such displays of heavenly innocence and happiness ，nor awaken my heart from its slumbers ， in which it dreams of the worthlessnessof life ！ And why not？ Because she knows how much I love her.　　SEPTEMBER 15. It makes me wretched， Wilhelm， to think that thereshould be men incapable of appreciating the few things which possess areal value in life. You remember the walnut trees at S——， under whichI used to sit with Charlotte， during my visits to the worthy old vicar.Those glorious trees， the very sight of which has so often filled myheart with joy， how they adorned and refreshed the parsonage yard， withtheir wide-extended branches！ and how pleasing was our remembrance ofthe good old pastor ， by whose hands they were planted so many yearsago ： The schoolmaster has frequently mentioned his name. He had it fromhis grandfather. He must have been a most excellent man ； and， underthe shade of those old trees， his memory was ever venerated by me. Theschoolmaster informed us yesterday， with tears in his eyes ， that thosetrees had been felled. Yes， cut to the ground！ I could， in my wrath，have slain the monster who struck the first stroke. And I must endurethis！—— I， who， if I had had two such trees in my own court， andone had died from old age ， should have wept with real affliction. Butthere is some comfort left， such a thing is sentiment， the whole villagemurmurs at the misfortune ； and I hope the vicar's wife will soon find，by the cessation of the villagers' presents ， how much she has woundedthe feelings of the neighborhhood. It was she who did it， the wife ofthe present incumbent （our good old man is dead）， a tall ， sicklycreature who is so far right to disregard the world ， as the world totally