少年维特之烦恼(英文版)-3

assured him that he looked better and stronger than he did when she sawhim last. I ， in the meantime， paid attention to his good lady. Theold man seemed quite in spirits ； and as I could not help admiring thebeauty of the walnut-trees， which formed such an agreeable shade overour heads ， he began ， though with some little difficulty ， to tellus their history. "As to the oldest ，" said he ， "we do not know whoplanted it，—— some say one clergyman ， and some another ： but theyounger one ， there behind us， is exactly the age of my wife， fiftyyears old next October； her father planted it in the morning ， and inthe evening she came into the world. My wife's father was my predecessorhere， and I cannot tell you how fond he was of that tree ； and it isfully as dear to me. Under the shade of that very tree， upon a log ofwood， my wife was seated knitting， when I ， a poor student ， cameinto this court for the first time， just seven and twenty years ago."Charlotte inquired for his daughter. He said she was gone with Herr Schmidtto the meadows， and was with the haymakers. The old man then resumedhis story ， and told us how his predecessor had taken a fancy to him ，as had his daughter likewise； and how he had become first his curate ，and subsequently his successor. He had scarcely finished his story whenhis daughter returned through the garden， accompanied by the above-mentionedHerr Schmidt. She welcomed Charlotte affectionately ， and I confess Iwas much taken with her appearance. She was a lively-looking， good-humouredbrunette， quite competent to amuse one for a short time in the country.Her lover （for such Herr Schmidt evidently appeared to be） was a polite，reserved personage， and would not join our conversation， notwithstandingall Charlotte's endeavours to draw him out. I was much annoyed at observing，by his countenance， that his silence did not arise from want of talent，but from caprice and ill-humour. This subsequently became very evident，when we set out to take a walk， and Frederica joining Charlotte， withwhom I was talking， the worthy gentleman's face， which was naturallyrather sombre ， became so dark and angry that Charlotte was obliged totouch my arm， and remind me that I was talking too much to Frederica.Nothing distresses me more than to see men torment each other ； particularlywhen in the flower of their age ， in the very season of pleasure ， theywaste their few short days of sunshine in quarrels and disputes ， andonly perceive their error when it is too late to repair it. This thoughtdwelt upon my mind； and in the evening ， when we returned to the vicar's，and were sitting round the table with our bread end milk， the conversationturned on the joys and sorrows of the world ， I could not resist thetemptation to inveigh bitterly against ill-humour. "We are apt，" saidI ， "to complain ， but - with very little cause ， that our happy daysare few ， and our evil days many. If our hearts were always disposedto receive the benefits Heaven sends us ， we should acquire strengthto support evil when it comes." "But，" observed the vicar's wife ， "wecannot always command our tempers ， so much depends upon the constitution： when the body suffers， the mind is ill at ease." "I acknowledge that，" I continued ； "but we must consider such a disposition in the lightof a disease， and inquire whether there is no remedy for it." "I shouldbe glad to hear one ，" said Charlotte： "at least， I think very muchdepends upon ourselves； I know it is so with me. When anything annoysme， and disturbs my temper ， I hasten into the garden ， hum a coupleof country dances ， and it is all right with me directly." "That is whatI meant ，" I replied ； "ill-humour resembles indolence： it is naturalto us ； but if once we have courage to exert ourselves ， we find ourwork run fresh from our hands ， and we experience in the activity fromwhich we shrank a real enjoyment." Frederica listened very attentively： and the young man objected ， that we were not masters of ourselves，and still less so of our feelings. "The question is about a disagreeablefeeling ，" I added ， "from which every one would willingly escape ，but none know their own power without trial. Invalids are glad to consultphysicians， and submit to the most scrupulous regimen， the most nauseousmedicines ， in order to recover their health." I observed that the goodold man inclined his head ， and exerted himself to hear our discourse； so I raised my voice ， and addressed myself directly to him. We preachagainst a great many crimes ，" I observed， "but I never remember a sermondelivered against ill-humour." "That may do very well for your town clergymen，" said he ： "country people are never ill-humoured ； though ， indeed，it might be useful， occasionally ， to my wife for instance， and thejudge." We all laughed， as did he likewise very cordially， till he fellinto a fit of coughing， which interrupted our conversation for a time.Herr Schmidt resumed the subject. "You call ill humour a crime，" he remarked，"but I think you use too strong a term." "Not at all，" I replied ， "ifthat deserves the name which is so pernicious to ourselves and our neighbours.Is it not enough that we want the power to make one another happy ， mustwe deprive each other of the pleasure which we can all make for ourselves？Show me the man who has the courage to hide his ill-humour， who bearsthe whole burden himself， without disturbing the peace of those aroundhim. No ： ill-humour arises from an inward consciousness of our own wantof merit， from a discontent which ever accompanies that envy which foolishvanity engenders. We see people happy ， whom we have not made so ， andcannot endure the sight." Charlotte looked at me with a smile ； she observedthe emotion with which I spoke： and a tear in the eyes of Frederica stimulatedme to proceed. "Woe unto those，" I said， "who use their power over ahuman heart to destroy the simple pleasures it would naturally enjoy！All the favours ， all the attentions ， in the world cannot compensatefor the loss of that happiness which a cruel tyranny has destroyed." Myheart was full as I spoke. A recollection of many things which had happenedpressed upon my mind， and filled my eyes with tears. "We should dailyrepeat to ourselves ，" I exclaimed ， "that we should not interfere withour friends ， unless to leave them in possession of their own joys ，and increase their happiness by sharing it with them！ But when theirsouls are tormented by a violent passion， or their hearts rent with grief，is it in your power to afford them the slightest consolation？　　"And when the last fatal malady seizes the being whose untimely graveyou have prepared ， when she lies languid and exhausted before you ，her dim eyes raised to heaven ， and the damp of death upon her pallidbrow， there you stand at her bedside like a condemned criminal ， withthe bitter feeling that your whole fortune could not save her ； and theagonising thought wrings you， that all your efforts are powerless toimpart even a moment's strength to the departing soul ， or quicken herwith a transitory consolation."　　At these words the remembrance of a similar scene at which I had beenonce present fell with full force upon my heart. I buried my face in myhandkerchief， and hastened from the room ， and was only recalled tomy recollection by Charlotte's voice， who reminded me that it was timeto return home. With what tenderness she chid me on the way for the tooeager interest I took in everything ！ She declared it would do me injury，and that I ought to spare myself. Yes ， my angel ！ I will do so foryour sake.　　JULY 6. She is still with her dying friend， and is still the samebright， beautiful creature whose presence softens pain ， and sheds happinessaround whichever way she turns. She went out yesterday with her littlesisters ： I knew it， and went to meet them； and we walked together.In about an hour and a half we returned to the town. We stopped at thespring I am so fond of， and which is now a thousand times dearer to methan ever. Charlotte seated herself upon the low wall ， and we gatheredabout her. I looked around， and recalled the time when my heart was unoccupiedand free. "Dear fountain！" I said， "since that time I have no more cometo enjoy cool repose by thy fresh stream： I have passed thee with carelesssteps ， and scarcely bestowed a glance upon thee." I looked down ， andobserved Charlotte's little sister， Jane ， coming up the steps witha glass of water. I turned toward Charlotte ， and I felt her influenceover me. Jane at the moment approached with the glass. Her sister ， Marianne，wished to take it from her. "No ！" cried the child ， with the sweetestexpression of face， "Charlotte must drink first."　　The affection and simplicity with which this was uttered so charmedme， that I sought to express my feelings by catching up the child andkissing her heartily. She was frightened， and began to cry. "You shouldnot do that ，" said Charlotte： I felt perplexed. "Come， Jane ，" shecontinued ， taking her hand， and leading her down the steps again ，"it is no matter： wash yourself quickly in the fresh water." I stoodand watched them； and when I saw the little dear rubbing her cheeks withher wet hands ， in full belief that all the impurities contracted frommy ugly beard would be washed off by the miraculous water ， and how，though Charlotte said it would do ， she continued still to wash withall her might ， as though she thought too much were better than too little，I assure you， Wilhelm， I never attended a baptism with greater reverence； and， when Charlotte came up from the well ， I could have prostratedmyself as before the prophet of an Eastern nation.　　In the evening I would not resist telling the story to a person who，I thought ， possessed some natural feeling ， because he was a man ofunderstanding. But what a mistake I made. He maintained it was very wrongof Charlotte， that we should not deceive children， that such thingsoccasioned countless mistakes and superstitions ， from which we werebound to protect the young. It occurred to me then， that this very manhad been baptised only a week before； so I said nothing further， butmaintained the justice of my own convictions. We should deal with childrenas God deals with us， we are happiest under the influence of innocentdelusions.　　JULY 8. What a child is man that he should be so solicitous abouta look！ What a child is man！ We had been to Walheim ： the ladies wentin a carriage ； but during our walk I thought I saw in Charlotte's darkeyes—— I am a fool—— but forgive me ！ you should see them，—— thoseeyes. —— However， to be brief（for my own eyes are weighed down withsleep ）， you must know， when the ladies stepped into their carriageagain ， young W. Seldstadt ， Andran ， and I were standing about thedoor. They are a merry set of fellows ， and they were all laughing andjoking together. I watched Charlotte's eyes. They wandered from one tothe other ； but they did not light on me ， on me， who stood there motionless，and who saw nothing but her ！ My heart bade her a thousand times adieu，but she noticed me not. The carriage drove off； and my eyes filled withtears. I looked after her ： suddenly I saw Charlotte's bonnet leaningout of the window ， and she turned to look back， was it at me ？ Mydear friend ， I know not ； and in this uncertainty I find consolation.Perhaps she turned to look at me. Perhaps ！ Good-night —— what a childI am！　　JULY lO. You should see how foolish I look in company when her nameis mentioned， particularly when I am asked plainly how I like her. HowI like her！ I detest the phrase. What sort of creature must he be whomerely liked Charlotte， whose whole heart and senses were not entirelyabsorbed by her. Like her ！ Some one asked me lately how I liked Ossian.　　JULY 11. Madame M —— is very ill. I pray for her recovery ， becauseCharlotte shares my sufferings. I see her occasionally at my friend'shouse ， and to-day she has told me the strangest circumstance. Old M—— is a covetous， miserly fellow ， who has long worried and annoyedthe poor lady sadly ； but she has borne her afflictions patiently. Afew days ago， when the physician informed us that her recovery was hopeless，she sent for her husband（Charlotte was present ）， and addressed himthus： "I have something to confess ， which， after my decease ， mayoccasion trouble and confusion. I have hitherto conducted your householdas frugally and economically as possible， but you must pardon me forhaving defrauded you for thirty years. At the commencement of our marriedlife， you allowed a small sum for the wants of the kitchen ， and theother household expenses. When our establishment increased and our propertygrew larger ， I could not persuade you to increase the weekly allowancein proportion ： in short ， you know ， that ， when our wants were greatest，you required me to supply everything with seven florins a week. I tookthe money from you without an observation ， but made up the weekly deficiencyfrom the money-chest； as nobody would suspect your wife of robbing thehousehold bank. But I have wasted nothing ， and should have been contentto meet my eternal Judge without this confession， if she ， upon whomthe management of your establishment will devolve after my decease， wouldbe free from embarrassment upon your insisting that the allowance madeto me ， your former wife ， was sufficient."　　I talked with Charlotte of the inconceivable manner in which men allowthemselves to be blinded； how any one could avoid suspecting some deception，when seven florins only were allowed to defray expenses twice as great.But I have myself known people who believed ， without any visible astonishment，that their house possessed the prophet's never-failing cruse of oil.　　JULY 13. No ， I am not deceived. In her dark eyes I read a genuineinterest in me and in my fortunes. Yes， I feel it； and I may believemy own heart which tells me —— dare I say it？—— dare I pronouncethe divine words？—— that she loves me！　　That she loves me ！ How the idea exalts me in my own eyes！ And，as you can understand my feelings ， I may say to you ， how I honourmyself since she loves me ！　　Is this presumption ， or is it a consciousness of the truth？ I donot know a man able to supplant me in the heart of Charlotte； and yetwhen she speaks of her betrothed with so much warmth and affection， Ifeel like the soldier who has been stripped of his honours and titles ，and deprived of his sword.　　JULY 16. How my heart beats when by accident I touch her finger ，or my feet meet hers under the table！ I draw back as if from a furnace； but a secret force impels me forward again ， and my senses becomedisordered. Her innocent， unconscious heart never knows what agony theselittle familiarities inflict upon me. Sometimes when we are talking sheIays her hand upon mine ， and in the eagerness of conversation comescloser to me， and her balmy breath reaches my lips ，—— when I feelas if lightning had struck me ， and that I could sink into the earth.And yet ， Wilhelm， with all this heavenly confidence，—— if I knowmyself， and should ever dare —— you understand me. No， no ！ my heartis not so corrupt ， it is weak ， weak enough but is not that a degreeof corruption ？　　She is to me a sacred being. All passion is still in her presence： I cannot express my sensations when I am near her. I feel as if mysoul beat in every nerve of my body. There is a melody which she playson the piano with angelic skill ，—— so simple is it， and yet so spiritual！It is her favourite air ； and， when she plays the first note， all pain，care， and sorrow disappear from me in a moment.　　I believe every word that is said of the magic of ancient music. Howher simple song enchants me ！ Sometimes， when I am ready to commit suicide，she sings that air； and instantly the gloom and madness which hung overme are dispersed， and I breathe freely again.　　JULY 18. Wilhelm， what is the world to our hearts without love ？What is a magic-lantern without light ？ You have but to kindle the flamewithin， and the brightest figures shine on the white wall； and， iflove only show us fleeting shadows， we are yet happy ， when ， likemere children ， we behold them ， and are transported with the splendidphantoms. I have not been able to see Charlotte to-day. I was preventedby company from which I could not disengage myself. What was to be done？I sent my servant to her house， that I might at least see somebody to-daywho had been near her. Oh ， the impatience with which I waited for hisreturn！ the joy with which I welcomed him！ I should certainly have caughthim in my arms， and kissed him ， if I had not been ashamed.　　It is said that the Bonona stone， when placed in the sun ， attractsthe rays， and for a time appears luminous in the dark. So was it withme and this servant. The idea that Charlotte's eyes had dwelt on his countenance，his cheek ， his very apparel ， endeared them all inestimably to me，so that at the moment I would not have parted from him for a thousandcrowns. His presence made me so happy ！ Beware of laughing at me ， Wilhelm.Can that be a delusion which makes us happy ？　　JULY 19. "I shall see her today ！" I exclaim with delight， whenI rise in the morning ， and look out with gladness of heart at the bright，beautiful sun. "I shall see her today ！" And then I have no further wishto form ： all， all is included in that one thought.　　JULY 2O. I cannot assent to your proposal that I should accompanythe ambassador to _______. I do not love subordination； and we all knowthat he is a rough， disagreeable person to be connected with. You saymy mother wishes me to be employed. I could not help laughing at that.Am I not sufficiently employed？ And is it not in reality the same， whetherI shell peas or count lentils ？ The world runs on from one folly to another； and the man who， solely from regard to the opinion of others， andwithout any wish or necessity of his own， toils after gold ， honour ，or any other phantom， is no better than a fool.　　JULY 24. You insist so much on my not neglecting my drawing ， thatit would be as well for me to say nothing as to confess how little I havelately done.　　I never felt happier， I never understood nature better ， even downto the veriest stem or smallest blade of grass； and yet I am unable toexpress myself： my powers of execution are so weak ， everything seemsto swim and float before me ， so that I cannot make a clear， bold outline.But I fancy I should succeed better if I had some clay or wax to model.I shall try ， if this state of mind continues much longer， and willtake to modelling ， if I only knead dough.　　I have commenced Charlotte's portrait three times ， and have as oftendisgraced myself. This is the more annoying ， as I was formerly veryhappy in taking likenesses. I have since sketched her profile ， and mustcontent myself with that.　　JULY 25. Yes， dear Charlotte ！ I will order and arrange everything.Only give me more commissions ， the more the better. One thing ， however，I must request： use no more writing-sand with the dear notes you sendme. Today I raised your letter hastily to my lips ， and it set my teethon edge.　　JULY 26. I have often determined not to see her so frequently. Butwho could keep such a resolution？ Every day I am exposed to the temptation，and promise faithfully that to-morrow I will really stay away ： but，when tomorrow comes ， I find some irresistible reason for seeing her； and， before I can account for it， I am with her again. Either shehas said on the previous evening "You will be sure to call to-morrow，" —— and who could stay away then ？——or she gives me some commission，and I find it essential to take her the answer in person； or the dayis fine ， and I walk to Walheim； and， when I am there， it is onlyhalf a league farther to her. I am within the charmed atmosphere， andsoon find myself at her side. My grandmother used to tell us a story ofa mountain of loadstone. When any vessels came near it， they were instantlydeprived of their ironwork： the nails flew to the mountain ， and theunhappy crew perished amidst the disjointed planks.　　JULY 30. Albert is arrived， and I must take my departure. Were hethe best and noblest of men ， and I in every respect his inferior， Icould not endure to see him in possession of such a perfect being. Possession！—— enough ， Wilhelm： her betrothed is here，—— a fine ， worthyfellow， whom one cannot help liking. Fortunately I was not present attheir meeting. It would have broken my heart！ And he is so considerate： he has not given Charlotte one kiss in my presence. Heaven reward himfor it！ I must love him for the respect with which he treats her. Heshows a regard for me ， but for this I suspect I am more indebted toCharlotte than to his own fancy for me. Women have a delicate tact insuch matters， and it should be so. They cannot always succeed in keepingtwo rivals on terms with each other ； but， when they do ， they arethe only gainers.　　I cannot help esteeming Albert. The coolness of his temper contrastsstrongly with the impetuosity of mine ， which I cannot conceal. He hasa great deal of feeling ， and is fully sensible of the treasure he possessesin Charlotte. He is free from ill-humour， which you know is the faultI detest most.　　He regards me as a man of sense ； and my attachment to Charlotte ，and the interest I take in all that concerns her， augment his triumphand his love. I shall not inquire whether he may not at times tease herwith some little jealousies ； as I know， that ， were I in his place，I should not be entirely free from such sensations.　　But ， be that as it may， my pleasure with Charlotte is over. Callit folly or infatuation ， what signifies a name？ The thing speaks foritself. Before Albert came， I knew all that I know now. I knew I couldmake no pretensions to her， nor did I offer any， that is， as far asit was possible ， in the presence of so much loveliness， not to pantfor its enjoyment. And now， behold me like a silly fellow， staring withastonishment when another comes in， and deprives me of my love.　　I bite my lips， and feel infinite scorn for those who tell me tobe resigned ， because there is no help for it. Let me escape from theyoke of such silly subterfuges！ I ramble through the woods ； and whenI return to Charlotte ， and find Albert sitting by her side in the summer-housein the garden ， I am unable to bear it ， behave like a fool ， and commita thousand extravagances. "For Heaven's sake，" said Charlotte today，"let us have no more scenes like those of last night！ You terrify mewhen you are so violent." Between ourselves ， I am always away now whenhe visits her ： and I feel delighted when I find her alone.　　AUGUST 8. Believe me， dear Wilhelm ， I did not allude to you whenI spoke so severely of those who advise resignation to inevitable fate.I did not think it possible for you to indulge such a sentiment. But infact you are right. I only suggest one objection. In this world one isseldom reduced to make a selection between two alternatives. There areas many varieties of conduct and opinion as there are turns of featurebetween an aquiline nose and a flat one.　　You will， therefore， permit me to concede your entire argument，and yet contrive means to escape your dilemma.　　Your position is this ， I hear you say ： "Either you have hopesof obtaining Charlotte， or you have none. Well ， in the first case，pursue your course， and press on to the fulfilment of your wishes. Inthe second， be a man ， and shake off a miserable passion， which willenervate and destroy you." My dear friend ， this is well and easily said.　　But would you require a wretched being， whose life is slowly wastingunder a lingering disease ， to despatch himself at once by the strokeof a dagger ？ Does not the very disorder which consumes his strengthdeprive him of the courage to effect his deliverance？　　You may answer me ， if you please， with a similar analogy ， "Whowould not prefer the amputation of an arm to the periling of life by doubtand procrastination ！" But I know not if I am right， and let us leavethese comparisons.　　Enough！ There are moments， Wilhelm， when I could rise up and shakeit all off， and when ， if I only knew where to go ， I could fly fromthis place.　　THE SAME EVENING.　　My diary， which I have for some time neglected ， came before me