如何停止焦虑开始新生活-24

First, get a lad of your own age to go with you. The two of you will bolster up oneanother's confidence. If you haven't someone of your own age to go with you, ask yourfather to go with you.Second, remember that by asking his advice you are paying this man a compliment. Hemay feel flattered by your request. Remember that adults like to give advice to youngmen and women. The architect will probably enjoy the interview.If you hesitate to write letters asking for an appointment, then go to a man's officewithout an appointment and tell him you would be most grateful if he would give you abit of advice.Suppose you call on five architects and they are all too busy to see you (which isn'tlikely), call on five more. Some of them will see you and give you priceless adviceadvicethat may save you years of lost time and heartbreak.Remember that you are making one of the two most vital and far-reaching decisions ofyour life. So, take time to get the facts before you act. If you don't, you may spend halfa lifetime regretting it.If you can afford to do so, offer to pay a man for a half-hour of his time and advice.5. Get over the mistaken belief that you are fitted for only a single occupation! Everynormal person can succeed at a number of occupations, and every normal person wouldprobably fail in many occupations. Take myself, for example: if I had studied andprepared myself for the following occupations, I believe I would have had a good chanceof achieving some small measure of success-and also of enjoying my work. I refer tosuch occupations as farming, fruit growing, scientific agriculture, medicine, selling,advertising, editing a country newspaper, teaching, and forestry. On the other hand, Iam sure I would have been unhappy, and a failure, at bookkeeping, accounting,engineering, operating a hotel or a factory, architecture, all mechanical trades, andhundreds of other activities.Chapter 30: "Seventy Per Cent Of All Our Worries ..."If I knew how to solve everybody's financial worries, I wouldn't be writing this book, Iwould be sitting in the White House-right beside the President. But here is one thing Ican do: I can quote some authorities on this subject and make some highly practicalsuggestions and point out where you can obtain books and pamphlets that will give youadditional guidance.Seventy per cent of all our worries, according to a survey made by the Ladies' HomeJournal, are about money. George Gallup, of the Gallup Poll, says that his researchindicates that most people believe that they would have no more financial worries ifthey could increase their income by only ten per cent. That is true in many cases, but ina surprisingly large number of cases it is not true. For example, while writing thischapter, I interviewed an expert on budgets: Mrs. Elsie Stapleton-a woman who spentyears as financial adviser to the customers and employees of Wanamaker's DepartmentStore in New York and of Gimbel's. She has spent additional years as an individualconsultant, trying to help people who were frantic with worry about money. She hashelped people in all kinds of income brackets, all the way from a porter who earned lessthan a thousand dollars a year to an executive earning one hundred thousand dollars ayear. And this is what she told me: "More money is not the answer to most people'sfinancial worries. In fact, I have often seen it happen that an increase in incomeaccomplished nothing but an increase in spending-and an increase in headaches. Whatcauses most people to worry," she said, "is not that they haven't enough money, but thatthey don't know how to spend the money they have!" ... [You snorted at that lastsentence, didn't you? Well, before you snort again, please remember that Mrs. Stapletondid not say that was true of all people. She said: "most people". She didn't mean you.She meant your sisters and your cousins, whom you reckon by the dozens.]A lot of readers are going to say: "I wish this guy Carnegie had my bills to meet, myobligations to keep up-on my weekly salary. If he did, I'll bet he would change his tune."Well, I have had my financial troubles: I have worked ten hours a day at hard physicallabour in the cornfields and hay barns of Missouri-worked until my one supreme wishwas to be free from the aching pains of utter physical exhaustion. I was paid for thatgrueling work not a dollar an hour, nor fifty cents, nor even ten cents. I was paid fivecents an hour for a ten-hour day.I know what it means to live for twenty years in houses without a bathroom or runningwater. I know what it means to sleep in bedrooms where the temperature is fifteendegrees below zero. I know what it means to walk miles to save a nickel car-fare andhave holes in the bottom of my shoes and patches on the seat of my pants. I know whatit means to order the cheapest dish on a restaurant menu, and to sleep with my trousersunder the mattress because I couldn't afford to have them pressed by a tailor.Yet, even during those times, I usually managed to save a few dimes and quarters out ofmy income because I was afraid not to. As a result of this experience, I realised that ifyou and I long to avoid debt and financial worries, then we have to do what a businessfirm does: we have to have a plan for spending our money and spend according to thatplan. But most of us don't do that. For example, my good friend, Leon Shimkin, generalmanager of the firm that publishes this book, pointed out to me a curious blindness thatmany people have in regard to their money. He told me about a book-keeper he knows,a man who is a wizard at figures when working for his firm-yet when it comes tohandling his personal finances! ... Well, if this man gets paid on Friday noon, let us say,he will walk down the street, see an overcoat in a store window that strikes his fancy,and buy it-never giving a thought to the fact that rent, electric lights, and all kinds of"fixed" charges have to come out of that pay envelope sooner or later. No-he has thecash in his pocket, and that's all that counts. Yet this man knows that if the company heworks for conducted its business in such a slap-happy manner, it would end up inbankruptcy.Here's something to consider-where your money is concerned, you're in business foryourself! And it is literally "your business" what you do with your money.But what are the principles of managing our money? How do we begin to make a budgetand a plan? Here are eleven rules.Rule No. 1: Get the facts down on paper.When Arnold Bennett started out in London fifty years ago to be a novelist, he was poorand hard-pressed. So he kept a record of what he did with every sixpence. Did hewonder where his money was going? No. He knew. He liked the idea so much that hecontinued to keep such a record even after he became rich, world-famous, and had aprivate yacht.John D. Rockefeller, Sr., also kept a ledger. He knew to the penny just where he stoodbefore he said his prayers at night and climbed into bed.You and I, too, will have to get notebooks and start keeping records. For the rest of ourlives? No, not necessarily. Experts on budgets recommend that we keep an accurateaccount of every nickel we spend for at least the first month-and, if possible, for threemonths. This is to give us an accurate record of where our money goes, so we can drawup a budget.Oh, you know where your money goes? Well, maybe so; but if you do, you are one in athousand! Mrs. Stapleton tells me it is a common occurrence for men and women tospend hours giving her facts and figures, so she can get them down on paper-then, whenthey see the result on paper, they exclaim: "Is that the way my money goes?" They canhardly believe it. Are you like that? Could be.Rule No. 2: Get a tailor-made budget that really fits your needs.Mrs. Stapleton tells me that two families may live side by side in identical houses, in thevery same suburb, have the same number of children in the family, and receive thesame income-yet their budgeting needs will be radically different. Why? Because peopleare different. She says a budget has to be a personal, custom-made job.The idea of a budget is not to wring all the joy out of life. The idea is to give us a senseof material security-which in many cases means emotional security and freedom fromworry. "People who live on budgets," Mrs. Stapleton told me, "are happier people."But how do you go about it? First, as I said, you must list all expenses. Then get advice.In many cities of twenty thousand and up, you will find family-welfare societies that willgladly give you free advice on financial problems and help you draw up a budget to fityour income.Rule No. 3: Learn how to spend wisely.By this I mean: learn how to get the best value for your money. All large corporationshave professional buyers and purchasing agents who do nothing but get the very bestbuys for their firms. As steward and manager of your personal estate, why shouldn't youdo likewise?Rule No. 4: Don't increase your headaches with your income.Mrs. Stapleton told me that the budgets she dreads most to be called into consultationon are family incomes of five thousand dollars a year. I asked her why. "Because," shesaid, "five thousand a year seems to be a goal to most American families. They may goalong sensibly and sanely for years-then, when their income rises to five thousand ayear, they think they have 'arrived'. They start branching out. Buy a house in thesuburbs, 'that doesn't cost any more than renting an apartment'. Buy a car, a lot of newfurniture, and a lot of new clothes-and the first thing you know, they are running intothe red. They are actually less happy than they were before-because they have bittenoff too much with their increase in income."That is only natural. We all want to get more out of life. But in the long run, which isgoing to bring us more happiness-forcing ourselves to live within a tight budget, orhaving dunning letters in the mail and creditors pounding on the front door?Rule No. 5: Try to build credit, in the event you must borrow.If you are faced with an emergency and find you must borrow, life-insurance policies,Defence Bonds and Savings Certificates are literally money in your pocket. However, besure your insurance policies have a savings aspect, if you want to borrow on them, forthis means a cash value. Certain types of insurance, called "term insurance", are merelyfor your protection over a given period of time and do not build up reserves. Thesepolicies are obviously of no use to you for borrowing purposes. Therefore, the rule is:Ask questions! Before you sign for a policy, find out if it has a cash value in case youhave to raise money.Now, suppose you haven't insurance you can borrow on, and you haven't any bonds, butyou do own a house, or a car, or some other kind of collateral. Where do you go toborrow? By all means, to a bank! Banks all over this land are subject to strict regulation;they have a reputation to maintain in the community; the rate of interest they cancharge is fixed firmly by law; and they will deal with you fairly. Frequently, if you are ina financial jam, the bank will go so far as to discuss your problems with you, make aplan, and help you work your way out of your worry and indebtedness. I repeat, Irepeat, if you have collateral, go to a bank!However, suppose you are one of the thousands who don't have collateral, don't own anyproperty, and have nothing to offer as guarantee except your wages or salary? Then, asyou value your life, heed this word of warning! Do not-do not-apply to the first "loancompany" whose alluring advertisements you see in the paper. These people, to readsome of their ads, are as generous as Santa Claus. Don't you believe it! However, thereare some companies that are ethical, honest, and strictly on the level. They are doing aservice to those people who are faced with illness or emergency and have to raisemoney. They charge a higher rate of interest than the banks, but they have to do this,for they take greater risks and have greater expenses in collecting. But, before doingbusiness with any loan company, go to your bank, talk to one of its officers, and ask himto recommend a loan company that he knows to be fair. Otherwise-otherwise-well, Idon't want to give you nightmares, but here is what can happen:At one time a newspaper in Minneapolis conducted an investigation into loan companiesthat were supposedly operating within the regulations laid down by the Russell SageFoundation. I know a man who worked on that investigation-his name is Douglas Lurton,and he is now editor of Your Life magazine. Doug Lurton tells me that the abuses he sawamong the poorer class of debtors would make your hair stand on end. Loans that hadbegun as a mere fifty dollars had soared and multiplied to three and four hundreddollars before they were paid. Wages were garnished; and, frequently, the man whosewages were attached was fired by his company. In numerous instances, when the manwas unable to pay, the loan sharks simply sent an appraiser into his home to "evaluate"his furniture-and cleaned out the home! People were found who had been paying onsmall loans for four and five years and still owed money! Unusual cases? To quote DougLurton: "In our campaign, we so flooded the court with cases of this sort that the judgescried uncle, and the newspaper itself had to set up an arbitration bureau to take care ofthe hundreds of cases."How is such a thing possible? Well, the answer, of course, is in all sorts of hiddencharges and extra "legal fees". Here is a rule to remember in dealing with loancompanies: if you are absolutely certain, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that you canpay the money off quickly, then your interest will be low, or reasonably low, and youwill get off fairly. But if you have to renew, and keep on renewing, then your interestcan mount into figures that would make Einstein dizzy. Doug Lurton tells me that insome cases these additional fees had swollen the original indebtedness to two thousandper cent, or about five hundred times as much as a bank would charge!Rule No. 6: Protect yourself against illness, fire, and emergency expenses.Insurance is available, for relatively small sums, on all kinds of accidents, misfortunes,and conceivable emergencies. I am not suggesting that you cover yourself for everythingfrom slipping in the bathtub to catching German measles-but I do suggest that youprotect yourself against the major misfortunes that you know could cost you money andtherefore do cost you worry. It's cheap at the price.For example, I know a woman who had to spend ten days in a hospital last year and,when she came out, was presented a bill-for exactly eight dollars! The answer? She hadhospital insurance.Rule No. 7: Do not have your life-insurance proceeds paid to your widow in cash.If you are carrying life insurance to provide for your family after you're gone, do not, Ibeg of you, have your insurance paid in one lump sum.What happens to "a new widow with new money"? I'll let Mrs. Marion S. Eberly answerthat question. She is head of the Women's Division ��。”  是经,此中应广说。以是故,知有一切智人。  问曰:  世间不应有一切智人,何以故?无见一切智人者。  答曰:  不尔!不见有二种,不可以不见故便言无。  一者、事实有,以因缘覆故不见。譬如人姓族初,及雪山斤两,恒河边沙数,有而不可知。  二者、实无,无故不见。譬如第二头、第三手,无因缘覆而不见。  如是一切智人,因缘覆故汝不见,非无一切智人。何等是覆因缘?未得四信、心着恶邪——汝以是因缘覆故,不见一切智人。  问曰:  所知处无量故,无一切智人。诸法无量无边,多人和合,尚不能知,何况一人?以是故,无一切智人!  答曰:  如诸法无量,智慧亦无量无数无边;如函大盖亦大,函小盖亦小。  问曰:  佛自说佛法,不说余经。若药方、星宿、算经世典,如是等法;若是一切智人,何以不说?以是故,知非一切智人。  答曰:  虽知一切法,用故说,不用故不说;有人问故说,不问故不说。  复次,一切法略说有三种:一者、有为法,二者、无为法,三者、不可说法——此已摄一切法。  问曰:  十四难不答故,知非一切智人。何等十四难?  世界及我常;世界及我无常;世界及我亦有常亦无常;世界及我亦非有常亦非无常;世界及我有边、无边;亦有边亦无边;亦非有边亦非无边;死后有神去后世;无神去后世;亦有神去亦无神去;死后亦非有神去;亦非无神去后世;是身是神;身异神异。  若佛一切智人,此十四难何以不答?  答曰:  此事无实故不答。诸法有常,无此理;诸法断,亦无此理;以是故,佛不答。譬如人问构牛角得几升乳,是为非问,不应答。  复次,世界无穷,如车轮无初无后。  复次,答此无利有失,堕恶邪中。佛知十四难,常覆四谛诸法实相。如渡处有恶虫水,不应将人渡;安隐无患处,可示人令渡。  复次,有人言:是事非一切智人不能解,以人不能知,故佛不答。  复次,若人无言有,有言无,是名非一切智人;一切智人有言有,无言无。佛有不言无,无不言有。但说诸法实相,云何不名一切智人?譬如日不作高下,亦不作平地,等一而照。佛亦如是,非令有作无,非令无作有,常说实智慧光照诸法。如一道人问佛言:“大德!十二因缘佛作耶?他作耶?”佛言:“我不作十二因缘,余人亦不作。有佛无佛,生因缘老死,是法常定住。”佛能说是生因缘老死,乃至无明因缘诸行。  复次,十四难中若答有过罪。若人问:“石女、黄门儿,长短好丑何类?”此不应答,以无儿故。  复次,此十四难,是邪见非真实,佛常以真实,以是故,置不答。  复次,置不答,是为答。有四种答:一、决了答,如佛第一涅槃安隐;二、解义答;三、反问答;四、置答。此中佛以置答。  汝言无一切智人,有是言而无义,是大妄语。实有一切智人,何以故?得十力故:知处非处故,知因缘业报故,知诸禅定解脱故,知众生根善恶故,知种种欲解故,知种种世间无量性故,知一切至处道故,先世行处忆念知故,天眼分明得故,知一切漏尽故;净不净分明知故,说一切世界中上法故,得甘露味故,得中道故,知一切法若有为、若无为实相故,永离三界欲故。如是种种因缘故,佛为一切智人。  问曰:  有一切智人,何等人是?  答曰:  是第一大人,三界尊,名曰佛。如赞佛偈说: “顶生转轮王,  如日月灯明;  释迦贵种族,  净饭王太子。  生时动三千,  须弥山海水;  为破老病死,  哀愍故生世。  生时行七步,  光明满十方;  四观发大音,  我生胎分尽。  成佛说妙法,  大音振法鼓;  以此觉众生,  世间无明睡。  如是等种种,  希有事已现;  诸天及世人,  见之皆欢喜!  佛相庄严身,  大光满月面;  一切诸男女,  视之无厌足!  生身乳餔力,  胜万亿香象;  神足力无上,  智慧力无量。  佛身大光明,  照曜佛身表;  佛在光明中,  如月在光里。  种种恶毁佛,  佛亦无恶想;  种种称誉佛,  佛亦无喜想。  大慈视一切,  怨亲等无异;  一切有识类,  咸皆知此事。  忍辱慈悲力,  故能胜一切;  为度众生故,  世世受勤苦。  其心常一定,  为众作利益。  智慧力有十,  无畏力有四,  不共有十八,  无量功德藏。  如是等无数,  希有功德力,  如师子无畏,  破诸外道法,  转无上梵轮,  度脱诸三界。”  是名为“婆伽婆”。  “婆伽婆”义无量,若广说则废余事,以是故略说。  大智度论卷第二大正新修大藏经第 25 册 No. 1509 大智度论  大智度初品中住王舍城释论第五(卷第三)  龙树菩萨造  后秦龟兹国三藏法师鸠摩罗什奉 诏译  【经】  住王舍城。  【论】  今当说。  问曰:  何以不直说般若波罗蜜法,而说“佛住王舍城”?  答曰:  说方、时、人,令人心生信故。  云何名“住”?四种身仪:坐、卧、行、住,是名住。  又以怖魔军众、自令弟子欢喜入种种诸禅定故,在是中住。  复次,三种住:天住、梵住、圣住。  六种欲天住法,是为天住。ildren happy. No time nowfor worry.This quiet little housewife from Maywood, Illinois, was so ambitious that she decided tobranch out-to have an agent sell her kitchen-made candy in roaring, thunderingChicago. She timidly approached an Italian selling peanuts on the street. He shruggedhis shoulders. His customers wanted peanuts, not candy. She gave him a sample. Heliked it, began selling her candy, and made a good profit for Mrs. Snyder on the firstday. Four years later, she opened her first store in Chicago. It was only eight feet wide.She made her candy at night and sold it in the daytime. This erstwhile timid housewife,who started her candy factory on her kitchen stove, now has seventeen stores-fifteen ofthem in the busy Loop district of Chicago.Here is the point I am trying to make. Nellie Speer, in Jackson Heights, New York, andMrs. Ora Snyder, in May-wood, Illinois, instead of worrying about finances, didsomething positive. They started in an extremely small way to make money off thekitchen stove-no overhead, no rent, no advertising, no salaries. Under these conditions,it is almost impossible for a woman to be defeated by financial worries.Look around you. You will find many needs that are not filled. For example, if you trainyourself to be a good cook, you can probably make money by starting cooking classes foryoung girls right in your own kitchen. You can get your students by ringing door-bells.Books have been written about how to make money in your spare time; inquire at yourpublic library. There are many opportunities for both men and women. But one word ofwarning: unless you have a natural gift for selling, don't attempt door-to-door selling.Most people hate it and fail at it.Rule No. 10: Don't gamble-ever.I am always astounded by the people who hope to make money by betting on the poniesor playing slot machines. I know a man who makes his living by owning a string of these"one armed bandits", and he has nothing but contempt for the foolish people who are sonaive as to imagine that they can beat a machine that is already rigged against them.I also know one of the best known bookmakers in America. He was a student in myadult-education classes. He told me that with all his knowledge of horse racing, hecouldn't make money betting on the ponies. Yet the facts are that foolish people bet sixbillion dollars a year on the races-six times as much as our total national debt back in1910. This bookmaker also told me that if he had an enemy he despised, he could thinkof no better way of ruining him than by getting him to bet on the races. When I askedhim what would happen to the man who played the races according to the tipstersheets, he replied: "You could lose the Mint by betting that way."If we are determined to gamble, let's at least be smart. Let's find out what the odds areagainst us. How? By reading a book entitled How to Figure the Odds, by Oswald Jacobyanauthority on bridge and poker, a top-ranking mathematician, a professionalstatistician, and an insurance actuary. This book devotes 215 pages to telling you whatthe odds are against your winning when you play the ponies, roulette, craps, slotmachines, draw poker, stud poker, contract bridge, auction pinochle, the stock market.This book also give you the scientific, mathematical chances on a score of otheractivities. It doesn't pretend to show how to make money gambling. The author has noaxe to grind. He merely shows you what the odds are against your winning in all theusual ways of gambling; and when you see the odds, you will pity the poor suckers whostake their hard-earned wages on horse races or cards or dice or slot machines. If youare tempted to shoot craps or play poker or bet on horses, this book may save you ahundred times-yes, maybe a thousand times-what it costs.Rule No. 11: If we can't possibly improve our financial situation, let's be good toourselves and stop resenting what can't be changed.If we can't possibly improve our financial situation, maybe we can improve our mentalattitude towards it. Let's remember that other people have their financial worries, too.

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