colloquy—said, raising his voice a little:“I tell you again, it was badly planned. Why not have kept himhere among the rest, and made a sneaking, snivelling pick-pocketof him at once?”“Only hear him!” exclaimed the Jew, shrugging his shoulders.“Why, do you mean to say you couldn’t have done it, if you hadchosen?” demanded Monks sternly. “Haven’t you done it, withother boys, scores of times? If you had had patience for atwelvemonth, at most, couldn’t you have got him convicted, andsent safely out of the kingdom perhaps for life?”“Whose turn would that have served, my dear?” inquired theJew humbly.“Mine,” replied Monks.“But not mine,” said the Jew submissively. “He might havebecome of use to me. When there are two parties to a bargain, it isonly reasonable that the interests of both should be consulted; is itnot, my good friend?”“What then?” demanded Monks.“I saw it was not easy to train him to the business,” replied theJew; “he was not like the other boys in the same circumstances.”“Curse him, no!” muttered the man, “or he would have been athief, long ago.”“I had no hold upon him to make him worse,” pursued the Jew,Charles Dickens ElecBook ClassicsOliver Twist 275anxiously watching the countenance of his companion. “His handwas not in. I had nothing to frighten him with; which we alwaysmust have in the beginning or we labour in vain. What could I do?Send him out with the Dodger and Charley? We had enough ofthat, at first, my dear; I trembled for us all.”“That was not my doing,” observed Monks.“No, no, my dear!” renewed the Jew. “And I don’t quarrel withit now; because, if it had never happened, you might never haveclapped eyes upon the boy to notice him, and so led to thediscovery that it was him you were looking for. Well! I got himback for you by means of the girl; and then she begins to favourhim.”“Throttle the girl!” said Monks impatiently.“Why, we can’t afford to do that just now, my dear,” replied theJew, smiling; “and, besides, that sort of thing is not in our way; or,one of these days, I might be glad to have it done. I know whatthese girls are, Monks, well. As soon as the boy begins to harden,she’ll care no more for him, than for a block of wood. You wanthim made a thief. If he is alive, I can make him one from this time;and if—if—” said the Jew, drawing nearer to the other—“it’s notlikely, mind—but if the worst comes to the worst, and he is dead—”“It’s no fault of mine if he is!” interposed the other man, with alook of terror, and clasping the Jew’s arm with trembling hands.“Mind that, Fagin! I had no hand in it. Anything but his death, Itold you from the first. I won’t shed blood; it’s always found out,and haunts a man besides. If they shot him dead, I was not thecause; do you hear me? Fire this infernal den! What’s that?”“What?” cried the Jew, grasping the coward round the body,Charles Dickens ElecBook ClassicsOliver Twist 276with both arms, as he sprang to his feet. “Where?”“Yonder!” replied the man, glaring at the opposite wall. “Theshadow! I saw the shadow of a woman, in a cloak and bonnet, passalong the wainscot like a breath!”The Jew released his hold, and they rushed tumultuously fromthe room. The candle, wasted by the draught, was standing whereit had been placed. It showed them only the empty staircase, andtheir own white faces. They listened intently; but a profoundsilence reigned throughout the house.“It’s your fancy,” said the Jew, taking up the light and turningto his companion.“I’ll swear I saw it!” replied Monks, trembling. “It was bendingforward when I saw it first; and when I spoke, it darted away.”The Jew glanced contemptuously at the pale face of hisassociate, and, telling him he could follow, if he pleased, ascendedthe stairs. They looked into all the rooms; they were cold, bare andempty. They descended into the passage, and thence into thecellars below. The green damp hung upon the low walls; the tracksof the snail and slug glistened in the light of the candle; but all wasstill as death.“What do you think now?” said the Jew, there’s not a creaturein the house except Toby and the boys; and they’re safe enough.See here!”As a proof of the fact, the Jew drew forth two keys from hispocket; and explained, that when he first went downstairs, he hadlocked them in, to prevent any intrusion on the conference.This accumulated testimony effectually staggered Mr. Monks.His protestations had gradually become less and less vehement asthey proceeded in their search without making any discovery; and,Charles Dickens ElecBook ClassicsOliver Twist 277now, he gave vent to several very grim laughs, and confessed itcould only have been his excited imagination. He declined anyrenewal of the conversation, however, for that night; suddenlyremembering that it was past one o’clock. And so the amiablecouple parted.Charles Dickens ElecBook ClassicsOliver Twist 278Chapter 27Atones For The Unpoliteness Of A Former Chapter,Which Deserted A Lady Most Unceremoniously.As it would be by no means seemly in a humble author tokeep so mighty a personage as a beadle waiting, with hisback to the fire, and the skirts of his coat gathered upunder his arms, until such time as it might suit his pleasure torelieve him; and as it would still less become his station, or hisgallantry, to involve in the same neglect a lady on whom thatbeadle had looked with an eye of tenderness and affection, and inwhose ear he had whispered sweet words, which, coming fromsuch a quarter, might well thrill the bosom of maid or matron ofwhatsoever degree; the historian whose pen traces these words—trusting that he knows his place, and that he entertains abecoming reverence for those upon earth to whom high andimportant authority is delegated—hastens to pay them thatrespect which their position demands, and to treat them with allthat duteous ceremony which their exalted rank, and (byconsequence) great virtues, imperatively claim at his hands.Towards this end, indeed, he had purposed to introduce, in thisplace, a dissertation touching the divine right of beadles, andelusidative of the position, that a beadle can do no wrong; whichcould not fail to have been both pleasurable and profitable to theright-minded reader, but which he is unfortunately compelled, bywant of time and space, to postpone to some more convenient andfitting opportunity; on the arrival of which, he will be prepared toCharles Dickens ElecBook ClassicsOliver Twist 279show, that a beadle properly constituted—that is to say, aparochial beadle, attached to a parochial workhouse, andattending in his official capacity the parochial church—is, in rightand virtue of his office, possessed of all the excellences and bestqualities of humanity; and that to none of those excellences, canmere companies’ beadles, or court-of-law beadles, or even chapel-of-ease beadles (save the last, and they in a very lowly and inferiordegree), lay the remotest sustainable claim.Mr. Bumble had recounted the teaspoons, reweighed the sugar-tongs, made a closer inspection of the milk-pot, and ascertained toa nicety the exact condition of the furniture, down to the veryhorse-hair seats of the chairs; and had repeated each process fullhalf a dozen times, before he began to think that it was time forMrs. Corney to return. Thinking begets thinking; and, as therewere no sounds of Mrs. Corney’s approach, it occurred to Mr.Bumble that it would be an innocent and virtuous way of spendingthe time, if he were further to allay his curiosity by a cursoryglance at the interior of Mrs. Corney’s chest of drawers.Having listened at the keyhole, to assure himself that nobodywas approaching the chamber, Mr. Bumble beginning at thebottom, proceeded to make himself acquainted with the contentsof the three long drawers; which, being filled with variousgarments of good fashion and texture, carefully preservedbetween two layers of old newspapers, speckled with driedlavender, seemed to yield him exceeding satisfaction. Arriving, incourse of time, at the right-hand corner drawer (in which was akey), and beholding therein a small padlocked box, which, beingshaken, gave forth a pleasant sound, as of the chinking of coin, Mr.Bumble returned with a stately walk to the fireplace, and,Charles Dickens ElecBook ClassicsOliver Twist 280resuming his old attitude, said, with a grave and determined air,“I’ll do it!” He followed up this remarkable declaration, by shakinghis head in a waggish manner for ten minutes, as though he wereremonstrating with himself for being such a pleasant dog; andthen he took a view of his legs in profile, with much seemingpleasure and interest.He was still placidly engaged in this latter survey, when Mrs.Corney, hurrying into the room, threw herself, in a breathlessstate, on a chair by the fireside, and covering her eyes with onehand, placed the other over her heart, and gasped for breath.“Mrs. Corney,” said Mr. Bumble, stooping over the matron,“what is this, ma’am? Has anything happened, ma’am? Prayanswer me; I’m on—on—” Mr. Bumble, in his alarm, could notimmediately think of the word “tenterhooks,” so he said “brokenbottles.”“Oh, Mr. Bumble!” cried the lady, “I have been so dreadfullyput out!”“Put out, ma’am!” exclaimed Mr. Bumble; “who has dared to—I know!” said Mr. Bumble, checking himself, with native majesty,“this is them wicious paupers!”“It’s dreadful to think of!” said the lady, shuddering.“Then don’t think of it, ma’am,” rejoined Mr. Bumble.“I can’t help it,” whimpered the lady.“Then take something, ma’am,” said Mr. Bumble soothingly. “Alittle of the wine?”“Not for the world!” replied Mrs. Corney. “I couldn’t—oh! Thetop shelf in the right-hand corner—oh!” Uttering these words, thegood lady pointed, distractedly, to the cupboard, and underwent aconvulsion from internal spasms. Mr. Bumble rushed to the closet;Charles Dickens ElecBook ClassicsOliver Twist 281and, snatching a pint green glass bottle from the shelf thusincoherently indicated, filled a tea-cup with its contents, and heldit to the lady’s lips.“I’m better now,” said Mrs. Corney, falling back, after drinkinghalf of it.Mr. Bumble raised his eyes piously to the ceiling inthankfulness; and, bringing them down again to the brim of thecup, lifted it to his nose.“Peppermint,” exclaimed Mrs. Corney, in a faint voice, smilinggently on the beadle as she spoke. “Try it! There’s a little—a littlesomething else in it.”Mr. Bumble tasted the medicine with a doubtful look; smackedhis lips; took another taste; and put the cup down empty.“It’s very comforting,” said Mrs. Corney.“Very much so indeed, ma’am,” said the beadle. As he spoke, hedrew a chair beside the matron, and tenderly inquired what hadhappened to distress her.“Nothing,” replied Mrs. Corney. “I am a foolish, excitable, weakcreetur.”“Not weak, ma’am,” retorted Mr. Bumble, drawing his chair alittle closer. “Are you a weak creetur, Mrs. Corney?”“We are all weak creeturs,” said Mrs. Corney, laying down ageneral principle.“So we are,” said the beadle.Nothing was said, on either side, for a minute or twoafterwards. By the expiration of that time, Mr. Bumble hadillustrated the position by removing his left arm from the back ofMrs. Corney’s chair, where it had previously rested, to Mrs.Corney’s apron string, round which it gradually became entwined.Charles Dickens ElecBook ClassicsOliver Twist 282“We are all weak creeturs,” said Mr. Bumble.Mrs. Corney sighed.“Don’t sigh, Mrs. Corney,” said Mr. Bumble.“I can’t help it,” said Mrs. Corney. And she sighed again.“This is a very comfortable room, ma’am,” said Mr. Bumble,looking round. “Another room, and this, ma’am, would be acomplete thing.”“It would be too much for one,” murmured the lady.“But not for two, ma’am,” replied Mr. Bumble, in soft accents.“Eh, Mrs. Corney?”Mrs. Corney drooped her head when the beadle said this; thebeadle drooped his, to get a view of Mrs. Corney’s face. Mrs.Corney, with great propriety, turned her head away, and releasedher hand to get at her pocket-handkerchief; but insensiblyreplaced it in that of Mr. Bumble.“The Board allow you coals, don’t they, Mrs. Corney?” inquiredthe beadle, affectionately pressing her hand.“And candles,” replied Mrs. Corney, slightly returning thepressure.“Coals, candle, and house-rent free,” said Mr. Bumble. “Oh,Mrs. Corney, what an angel you are!”The lady was not proof against this burst of feeling. She sankinto Mr. Bumble’s arms; and that gentleman in his agitation,imprinted a passionate kiss upon her chaste nose.“Such porochial perfection!” exclaimed Mr. Bumblerapturously. “You know that Mr. Slout is worse tonight, myfascinator?”“Yes,” replied Mrs. Corney bashfully.“He can’t live a week, the doctor says,” pursued Mr. Bumble.Charles Dickens ElecBook ClassicsOliver Twist 283“He is the master of this establishment; his death will cause awacancy; that wacancy must be filled up. Oh, Mrs. Corney, what aprospect this opens! What a opportunity for a jining of hearts andhousekeepings!”Mrs. Corney sobbed.“The little word?” said Mr. Bumble, bending over the bashfulbeauty. “The one little, little, little word, my blessed Corney?”“Ye—ye—yes!” sighed out the matron.“One more,” pursued the beadle; “compose your darlingfeelings for only one more. When is it to come off?” Mrs. Corneytwice essayed to speak: and twice failed. At length summoning upcourage, she threw her arms round Mr. Bumble’s neck, and said, itmight be as soon as ever he pleased, and that he was “a irresistibleduck.”Matters being thus amicably and satisfactorily arranged, thecontract was solemnly ratified in another tea-cupful of thepeppermint mixture; which was rendered the more necessary, bythe flutter and agitation of the lady’s spirits. While it was beingdisposed of, she acquainted Mr. Bumble with the old woman’sdecease.“Very good,” said that gentleman, sipping his peppermint; “I’llcall at Sowerberry’s as I go home, and tell him to send tomorrowmorning. Was it that as frightened you, love?”“It wasn’t anything particular, dear,” said the lady evasively.“It must have been something, love,” urged Mr. Bumble.“Won’t you tell your own B.?”“Not now,” rejoined the lady; “one of these days. After we’remarried, dear.”“After we’re married!” exclaimed Mr. Bumble. “It wasn’t anyCharles Dickens ElecBook ClassicsOliver Twist 284impudence from any of them male paupers as—”“No, no, love!” interposed the lady hastily.“If I thought it was,” continued Mr. Bumble; “if I thought asany of ’em dared to lift his wulgar eyes to that lovelycountenance—”“They wouldn’t have dared to do it, love,” responded the lady.